Showing posts with label Life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Life. Show all posts


I recently took part in one of those personal development exercises that seemed obvious and rather dull from the outset, but turned out to be rather brilliant and awesome when you dug into things.

Here's how it worked: I sat down, tea in hand, and made a list of all the things that "fill me up." Big things, little things, and all the things in between. Some of them were pretty obvious (my husband, my toddler) and some of them less so (bulletproof coffee, "The Bachelor"). I tried to tame the list, but suffice it to say it grew pretty unwieldy. And therein lies an important point, I quickly realized: there are a lot of things that fill me up in life.

And, my next thought: There are a heck of a lot of things on this list I'm not doing very regularly.

The learning, of course, is just that. The drag in life comes when we don't do those things that fill us up, and when we don't do them on a regular basis.

Now, to you.

First step: Make your list. Pepper it with lots of and lots of things. Big, little, red, and blue.

Next step: Think about the list, and how to do more of the things.

Question: Who are you when you can't do any of the things on your list for a spell? Or, more drastically, who would you be if you never did any of the things on your list?

These are real questions, and they drive to the heart of the exercise itself. The things that fill us up are the things we need to be doing as much as possible in order to keep our lives in a balance of working and playing and giving and taking and being us. Because without these things, we aren't much of anything, really. Hopefully, that means doing something that fills us up every golden day.

Playing with our kids. Going on a run. Knitting a hat. Sitting in silence. Having a morning routine. (Read my free ebook explaining why that particular one is such a great one here.)

Doing the things that fill you up is not just an antidote to stress and a balm for a crazy mind — it's a way to be more productive at work, and more powerful in the roles you play in life. What does a burned-out CEO and a frantic stay-at-home parent have in common? Neither of them are doing enough of those things on their list, and both of them are feeling the consequences.

When it comes to life, the things that fill you up should be the priorities, the non-negotiables, and the never-leave-by-the-waysides. These are the things that should be at the forefront of our minds when making tough decisions, and at the top of our daily (or weekly) to-do lists. Because without them, we're dust.

Be full, and lead better. Be full, and mother more. Be full, and rock the world.

What can you do today to fill you up?



Silly Yet Funny Things About Married Couples Argue

You would not be normal if you did not have fights with your fellow humans, especially with your spouse. Yes, fights can be sad and hurtful, but they are also sometimes fun, and bring you way closer to one another than before. Not to forget the part that follows a fight where you resort to romantic ways to fix things, which is surely a treat for you both.Some fights between married couples, whether recently hooked or who have been together for many years, are really funny because even when they know that some things have no solution or are absolute baseless, they still fight over them all the time. If you are married, by now you know what we are talking about. And, for those who are not, or are going to tie the knot soon, here is what you are also going to experience!


1. You never surprise me anymore!

For some reason, a wife wants her husband to be an exact version of SRK and surprise her with gifts, dinners and more every other day. High expectations!


2. Why can’t you take an off for me?


As if taking an off from work just to stay home to cuddle was that easy and important.


3. Putting back things from where they were taken out


Girls, you need to chillax! Men just won’t change and no matter how hard you try, they will still leave things where they are not supposed to be!


4. Why are you so unromantic?


Seriously? Even after getting you a diamond ring last month, and taking you out on a date last week, you call me unromantic!


5. Why can’t you put out your wet towel outside to dry!


Global warming might end suddenly, but keeping the wet towel on the bed, NOT!


6. So, you want to watch this movie with your friend and not me?


Even after you know how I am absolutely not interested in watching it, and told you myself that you could watch it with your friends? How rude! Yeah boys, women are that complicated to understand!


7. Another boy’s night out? You just don’t like spending time with me! Do you?


Once in a year! Is that too much to ask for?


8. Will you stop snoring? I can’t sleep!


As if by you saying that he will stop snoring! Welcome to reality honey, if he snores, the loud snores are here to stay till eternity!


9. Why are you never happy when my parents want to visit?


The same old story everywhere, right? There is some kind of force that keeps men always apprehensive to spend time with the in-laws, not that they have anything personal.


10. Yeah right! Like your mom can do it any better!!


Cooking, dancing, cleaning, and whining? You name it and I can do It better than her! Oh yeah!


11. How dare you say that to me?


Well this statement holds true for both and for everything under the sun. ‘How dare you’ is just so ego satisfying!


12. I always tell you not to eat chole and rajma at night! And now you can’t stop on those terrible farts!


Why can’t you ever listen to me and keep a control on what you eat. It is not as if there is no tomorrow!


13. Why do we have to go to that stupid function anyways? Can’t we just be at home?


Do we even know them, do they know us, is it today, do we really have to go?

 

14. Are you freaking crazy? You spent that much?

Couldn’t you have asked me once? What a waste! I still cannot believe you were so irresponsible.


15. You go open the door. Why should I always get up?


It happens to be my holiday too, my favourite show is on too, why should I always get up to get the door? You go!


16. Rice/Chapati for dinner AGAIN?


Really? Why don’t you try standing in the hot kitchen after a hectic day at work every day, and cooking a new delicacy for everyone!


17. Burping anywhere and everywhere! Like seriously!


Ever heard of something known as manners and public etiquettes? Why do you always embarrass me by doing that? Arhhhhh!!

Recommended Read: 8 Things You Should Never Say To Your Wedding Photographer

And even though both the spouses in a marriage know that there is no point fighting over these issues, they still do and end up having a good laugh about them later. If you too have a few of such illogical fights with your partner which are hilarious, do share them with us here in the comments section below. 

SOURCE: yahoo


Hum Na Badlein Gay Waqt Ki Raftaar Kay Sath..
Hum Jab Bhi Milen Gay Andaz Purana Hoga!!

Maray Mahboob Ne Kiya Tha Wada Paanchwe Din Ka..
Kahin Say Sun Liya Ho Ga Ya Zindagi Char Din Ki Hai!!

Katl Hua Humara.. Is Tarah Kishton Mein..
Kabhi Khanzar Badal Gaye.. Kabhi Kaatil Badal Gaye!!


Journey starts by birth
Ends by death
Between the ends of light and dark
Your soul is the one which has depth

May u never get tired
By the endless journey
Wishing you all the best
Till your soul comes to rest.


I am the ocean.
I am the hills.
I am the sky.
The universe hides in me.

Tired of searching home I chose to become homeless.
Traveled to the cities my parents were afraid to send me.
Ate less but ate healthy.
Accepted a drag but smoked a whole cigarette.
Spent all night under the stars
Traveled alone to unknown places and met unknown people.
Fell in love.
Cried all night.
Missed the stars.
Pretended to ignore someone's kindness.
Earned money.
Ate good food with good people and had inspiring talks.
Said goodbyes.
Made art.
Met soulmates.
Fell out of love.
Abandoned cigarettes.
Walked for hours.
Tired ,Slept in bus.
Decided not to make promises.
Spent all savings.
Decided to escape again.
Traveled again.
Betrayed by many.
Fooled by many.
Received blessings from kind souls.
Decided to meet as many artists as i can.
Ran away from attachments.
Ran at the station to catch the train.
Laughed a little too much.
Sang all night.
No internet. No phone network.
Traveled by metro for the first time.
 Ate too much chicken rolls.
Abused by relatives.
Found a family of artists wherever i went.
Cried after spending 125 bucks on an just ice - cream, by mistake.
Said hi to the sea for the first time.
Met and inspired by people who are irony to their age.
Said goodbye again.
Made art again.
Writing again.
Hello
Again.
Thank you
Again.


Story of a girl - "I Married a Stranger.."

I was on the bed, feeling terrified. I opened my diary and wrote, 'I married a stranger' and quickly hid it under the bed. My whole body was shaking.
"What do I do?" I questioned myself.

"Do I act like a virgin?"

"But what if he finds out? Do I tell him to wait for it for a few days? But what if it makes him angry?"
The front door opened and my heart jumped in my neck. I was breathing heavily. The sound of his footsteps gave me goosebumps. I looked down and pretended to be calm. I saw him stopping at the door though I wasn't looking at him.

"Ghauri", he said with ever-so-calm voice. I dared not to look at him.

"Ghauri, I am going to sleep in another room", he said.

'If your husband doesn't want to sleep with you, you have failed as a wife', echoed my mother's voice in my head. But I didn't look up. I stayed quiet.

"Don't you want to ask me why?", he said, with little humor in his voice, clearly trying to cheer me up. I looked at him for just a few seconds and looked down again.

"You are my wife", he said and paused, and then he continued, "not a prostitute."

I really didn't know what he meant as my mind wasn't working well. 'When you don't know what to say to your husband, keep your mouth shut' came back my father's voice. I obeyed him as usual.

"If we sleep together when we really don't know each other, what different you would be from a prostitute? We will sleep together someday, when both of us wants it, and that day, I'd be making love to my wife. I definitely won't be having sex with a stranger."

He turned off the light and just few seconds later, put it on and said funnily, "I am not a secret gay by the way. I promise you that."

Despite how scared I was, I giggled. He smiled, turned off the light and went to another room. I was still giggling. As I slept on the bed without removing my make-up or anything, tears rolled down from the corner of my eyes.

People say it amazes them when we shed tears while we are happy. They say, it didn't make sense, but to me, it made more sense. We felt something so strong that a part of us couldn't stay inside us, that's what I thought anyway. To me, shedding tears while being happy meant more.

I woke up and made myself ready to make breakfast. I went to the kitchen but he was there, cooking. I don't know how horrified I looked because it made him really scared. He quickly ran to me and said, "Ghauri, are you fine?" and his voice was filled with worries.

"Why are you cooking?" I said with a low voice.
He seemed lost. And finally he realized what I meant. "Ghauri, look at me. I like cooking, okay? You can cook when you like and so will I."

"Ghauri", his voice was authoritative this time, "you are not my slave. You are my wife!"

'If you let your husband step inside the kitchen, you fail as a wife." mocked my mother's voice as I came out of the kitchen.

I began to open up with him, little by little. I didn't share any of my biggest secrets with him or talked about my ex boyfriends, but I started talking with him. Once, he asked me some important suggestions about his office and my jaw dropped.
But I quickly remembered, my dad doing the same with my mom.

My mom answered and my dad got so furious, he slapped her in front of me for the first time. He looked at me and said angrily, "When your husband ask you about his works, he isn't really asking, so keep your mouth shut."

But they have been wrong ever since I came here. I started suggesting and he listened. I used to shed lots of tears at home and I did the same here too, but the feelings of why it came, was different.
I felt confidence building inside me. I could have never imagined asking him about going with my friends for trekking but I did.

I looked at him and said, "Can I go with my friends for trekking? It is only for two nights. I won't do anything stupid and will come back as soon as I can. Or you could call me if you want me here and I will come back here sooner."

My mom asked about going out with her friends fo for some religious purpose and I still remember my dad's expression. My husband made the same.
He looked at me disgusted. He was clearly angry. I felt naked in front of him for the first time but little did I know, he was going to teach me to not be shameful when I am naked.

"Ghauri", he said frustrated, "how many times have I told you that you are my wife? Why are you taking my permission like that? Like you are a prisoner? In fact, why are you asking at all? Inform me and go. Don't beg for it!", he said and walked away angrily.

My parents gave birth to me and they raised me, but I was only starting to live. My husband was teaching me how to live.

I went behind him. He was looking down the balcony. I stood behind him and looked down as well.

"I am learning, please be patient with me", I said looking down, probably opening that part of me for the first time, "My mother has given me thousand lists of what I can do to fail has a wife and my dad has given me thousand lists of when to shut up. So, I am learning".

He laughed though I wasn't joking. He said, "I apologize for laughing and for my earlier behavior. I will keep that in my mind, if you promise me to remember that you are not in your home anymore. Ghauri, let the past be in the past."
He touched my back for just one second as a comfort but it was his first touch to me after I entered his house. It was, in all honesty, special. And the more he called my name, the more it sounded special.

I started calling my friends home for dinners. We sometimes drank the wine my husband brought for us. I was living. My parents' greatest gift to me wasn't giving birth to me, their greatest gift was marrying me off to a stranger.

One night, my husband and I were drinking. He asked me what I want to become.

I barely whispered, "I want to become a writer."
The expression on his face was priceless, something I could never forget. I had never seen him so happier and I bet there were tears in his eyes. I would have never thought but he had always wanted to be a writer too.

"Got too busy. Will you do that for both of us?", he asked me with smile filled with sadness and joy.
I could only manage a nod.

That night, I cried like never before. I covered my face with pillow tightly to protect the sound. I didn't know why I was crying so hard but I wanted to scream. I saw a black shadow near my door. He was standing there, watching me.

I stood up and went to him and I kissed him. I hugged him and kissed him again. I dragged him in the bed.

"You sure it isn't the wine doing?" he asked me.
I rolled my eyes and replied, "You sure you aren't a secret gay?"

He laughed, "You are about to find out." he said and pushed me on bed and kissed me while undressing me.

It was typical of me but I had to say it, I thought I owed it to him. I stopped him and said, "Before we start, I just want you to know. I am not a virgin."
He waved his hand off and said, "I thought you were going to say that you have AIDS."

I laughed and pulled him close and kissed him.
And we did it. I had sex with him after three and half months of our marriage. Let me scratch that, I made love to my husband after three and half months of our marriage and sure enough, he was straight.

I woke up the next day and looked at him sleeping peacefully beside me. I was sure of one thing like never before.

I took out my diary and turned to the page where I wrote with a blue ink 'I married a stranger'. I picked the black pen and wrote, 'and I fell in love with him' because I really had fallen deeply in love with him. I smiled and decided to keep a promise I made to him. I was going to write, I was always sure of that but what I didn't know was what I was going to write about. Now I did. I was going to write about us.

- @ Being woman is "True Love.."


Don't focus on these things to be granted

Now that I know the feel of missing things from my life which I thought I would never lose.

First , Don't take these hands and legs for granted.
Before leaving home , we had our own vehicle to travel anywhere we wish to.  Even to the grocery store near by.
Now we travel by foot for hours doesn't matter how harsh the sun is but when we return back to our place exhausted , we get a peaceful sleep.
I say It's okay to travel by public transport or by foot even if you have expensive cars.

Secondly,  Don't take people for granted.
I understand that the thought of  being a cynic and with a damaged soul you don't know how to react when somebody gives you what you deserve but be grateful for whatever others have done for you.
Send as much positive vibes as you can. In life you 'll meet many people who will hold you up and many who break you down but in the end you thank both of them.

Thirdly, Don't take food for granted.

No matter how chaotic relationship we had with our mother but the food she used to cook for us can never be compared with anything.
Bhai and me couldn't afford a room with kitchen but arranged a toaster at least.  We have muesli and a toast as breakfast and no assurance for further meals of the day.  But whatever we eat gives us contentment cause we earn it.
We make sure not to waste food.

Fourth and last for the day,
Don't take this sky , sunrise , sunset  , the moon and stars for granted.
Nature has given you in abundance and so you ignore it.  Watch and Realize the beauty of  a sunset and sunrise and you 'll never feel lonely.  I talk to the moon , I don't crave for human interaction.  " It's not that I dislike humans but I love nature more "

Realize that you have a powerful soul which can create miracles.



Dreams have always been a mystery to mankind. Why do we see dreams. Are dreams real? Do they symbolize anything? Or they are just a mirror of our day to day's anxieties, fears and unfulfilled wishes? So many questions and only one answer-- Yes. Dreams do have a meaning but not always. According to Thakur Rupesh Prasad from Benaras, Dream is just not an ordinary vision that someone experiences while sleeping or with closed eyes... rather it is an indication of one's past-present and future. Most of the dreams point at something but to get the message right, the dream needs to be interpreted accurately.
Now, Raftaar has taken up the cause to help you understand the true meaning of your dream. We bring you a complete interpretation of dreams based on the Thakur Rupesh Prasad's calculation. He has made a serious effort to interpret all genuine dreams as correctly as possible. So, let's enter the fascinating world of dreams and get the right information to make our vision more meaningful.

विज्ञान के अनुसार रोज़मर्रा की ​ज़िंदगी में हमारी कुछ इच्छाएं अधूरी रह जाती हैं। यही इच्छाएं हमें अकसर सपने के रूप में ​दिखती हैं। लेकिन ज्योतिष शास्त्र मानता है कि सपने हमारे भविष्य का आइना होते हैं। ज्योतिष शास्त्र के अनुसार हर सपने का मतलब या अर्थ (Sapno ka Matlab) होता है। कुछ सपनें हमारे भविष्य से तो कुछ बीते हुए पल की कहानी कहते हैं। सपनों की व्याख्या या स्वप्न फल (Swapan Phal) के बारें में मत्स्य पुराण में विस्तार से बताया गया है।

कब और कौन से सपने होते हैं पूरे (Dream Interpretation in Hindi)
मत्स्य पुराण के अनुसार स्वप्न फल से जुड़ी अहम जानकारी निम्न है: माना जाता है कि अगर अच्छा सपना देखें तो उसके बाद सोना नहीं चाहिए। अच्छे सपने के बाद

    उठकर भजन या चिंतन करना चाहिए और सबसे जरूरी अच्छे सपने किसी को नहीं बताना चाहिए।
    सूरज उगने से कुछ पहले अर्थात ब्रह्म मुहूर्त में देखे गए सपने का फल 10 ​दिनों में सामने आ जाता है।
    माना जाता है कि रात के पहले पहर में देखे गए सपने का फल एक साल बाद, दूसरे पहर में देखे सपने का फल 6 महीने बाद आता है।
    तीसरे पहर में देखे सपने का फल 3 महीने बाद और आ​खिरी पहर के सपने का फल एक महीने में सामने आता है। ​
    दिन के सपनों पर ध्यान नहीं देना चाहिए।


क्या करें जब बुरा सपना आए? (Remedies of Bad Dreams)
मत्स्य पुराण के अनुसार बुरा सपना आए तो निम्न उपाय करने चाहिए:

    सबसे पहले तो बुरा सपना आए तो सुबह उठते ही किसी को जरूर बता देना चाहिए।
    इसके बाद स्नान कर के शिवजी का ध्यान करते हुए तुलसी के पौधे को पानी देना चाहिए। पानी देते समय तुलसी के पौधे के सामने अपना सपना कह देना चाहिए।


Plants Do A Much Better Job For Air Purifiers

The air quality in Delhi has deteriorated considerably this winter, causing people to rush out to buy air purifiers. However, doctors say that the benefits of air purifiers are still unproven, so before you spend all that money, maybe you should pick up one of these plants instead, since they will purify your air naturally!

Apart from purifying your air, plants also lower your stress levels, improve your creativity and productivity and boost your overall happiness!

Cover image via HouseLogic


 The more often we see the things around us - even the beautiful and wonderful things - the more they become invisible to us.

 That is why we often take for granted the beauty of this world: the flowers, the trees, the birds, the clouds - even those we love. Because we see things so often, we see them less and less.


The Next Tattoo Really You Should Get - Hyperrealistic Tattoos.

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A flower was offered to me,
Such a flower as May never bore;
But I said 'I've a pretty rose tree,'
And I passed the sweet flower o'er.

Then I went to my pretty rose tree,
To tend her by day and by night;
But my rose turned away with jealousy,
And her thorns were my only delight.


by William Blake



There is a common belief that we should not sleep with our feet pointing towards South. This has to do with the magnetic field of the earth. If we sleep in that direction, it may have an adverse effect on our body. Similarly, sleeping nude may have positive effects on your body.

Have you ever known?

It might sound to you as a surprise but sleeping nude is a good thing for your body. In India, it's not that commonly followed as a practice, but given its health benefits, you may like to try it.

Health benefits of sleeping nude


In this article, we will talk about some simple health benefits that you may reap, if you adopt this practice.

Improving the sleep quality

The very first benefit anybody would tell you is that sleeping nude improves the quality of sleep. Clothes sometimes don't let the body to cool down, which is essential for sleep. Sleeping nude will solve this problem.

More air to your internal body parts

All day long, our body is wrapped in clothes and does not get the required air to regulate various moisture points. Going to bed without clothes would mean that moisture is taken care of.

Better blood circulation

More often than not, due to trendy fashion, we wear tight clothes--elastic around the waste, skin-tight t-shirts, and bras etc. All these hinder the blood flow. Getting them off means you are freeing your body's blood flow.

Lose weight

As pointed out in the first benefit, sleeping without clothes will give you good sleep. This in turn ensures better stress relief, which is one of the major causes of belly fat. If you have de-stressed yourself nicely, lesser chances are there for fat accumulation.

Activating brown fat

Sleeping naked can help activate brown fat, which is also known the good fat. This, in turn, can generate heat and burn the calories piled on by the white body fat.

Better memory

A good sleep is the key to memory consolidaton. It is also helpful for growth hormone, which is instrumental for cell repair and growth.

Good for the vagina and testicle

There are expert reports suggesting that for women, sleeping naked can be healthy for the vagina. Considering bacteria thrive in moist and warm environments, sleeping naked will reduce the probability of fungal infection. At the same time for men, sleeping naked has been found to increase fertility and sperm quality.

Sleeping with a partner

It is believed that skin-to-skin contact is conducive to many health benefits. It helps in releasing oxytocin, which increases physical and emotional intimacy between couples, leading to happier relationships.

Increasing immunity

Oxytocin also has a protective effect on the heart--it lowers blood pressure and boosts the immune system and reduces anxiety.

Many more

Depending upon whether you are alone or are sleeping with your partner, there are more benefits, which may relate to some particular conditions too. Overall, it's very clear that during night, you should do away with your clothes!

Have you tried it?

I am sure you must have heard about it but have you tried it? Talk to your partner to make the situation comfortable. Share your experiences if you have tried it already.


SOURCE: speakingtree


At a party recently — gas lamps, meat on a fire, music piped in delicately from a distant computer — I watched a four-year-old boy drop his pants in a corner of the yard and take a leak. No one blinked. Boys do this in the darkling night. The kid seemed to take in the ocean view as he threaded the darkness with his piss. Afterward, pants still clumped in the grass, he glanced over his shoulder, as if looking for help. His mom stood and went inside.

The pulling up of the pants seemed to fall to the father, but he didn't move off his forkful of salad. In just a tick, the mother reemerged, toilet paper in hand. "There's some disagreement on this. She wants him to wipe after he pees," he sighed, shrugging into a what-can-you-do gulp of wine. The men chorused up a protest.

"I know," the dad said. "Right?"

"I've always thought it must be a kind of freedom, that shake thing," one woman said.

"Tap," a man interjected.

"Whatever," she said, looking right at the father. "You have to tell her: Men don't wipe. You have to be sure he has that freedom."

"I've tried," he said. "There's disagreement. She's his mom. She wants him to sit down, too." More moans. Drunken consternation hung strong as the stink of citronella.

That's when a little guy at the end of the table, a motocross enthusiast nursing several new tattoos on his mostly already tattooed legs, nasaled out the following: "I sit down. Always have." This was roundly hooted down, but he stuck by it. "It's quieter that way, too." This from a guy who rides a wound-up motorcycle that's louder than a full-sized industrial band saw.

The woman grinned and looked us over, one by one, man by man: "Standing up to pee," she said. "Without that, what do you guys really have?"

For more click here...


by Sheila Heti

This lecture was one of three lectures delivered at Trampoline Hall in New York on March 22, 2006. (The event doubled as a launch event for Sheila Heti's novel, Ticknor.) The speech was later reprinted in Brick magazine.


I wonder why I am up here on this stage when I’d rather be at home, when being at home would be so much more comforting. And I wonder why all of you are sitting there in the audience, when so many of you would also be happier at home.

At home, you can wear your pyjamas. No one is going to snub you or disappoint you. At Trampoline Hall, you could be snubbed, or disappointed. The scotch is not cheap. It is less depressing to think the same thoughts you thought yesterday, than to have the same conversation you had last week. Few of us will get laid. Why did we go out? My father never goes out. His emotional life is absolutely even keel. He is a deeply rational person. He doesn’t see the advantages.

For many years I have asked myself, Why do you spend time with other people? but I never really attempted to come up with an answer. I always believed I was asking myself a rhetorical question, but this week I thought I would try and find an answer, because a question you ask yourself a thousand times eventually deserves to be answered.

And I figure if I know why I go out, I might feel less suspicious of myself for going out. I might criticize myself less. I might be able to look around a party without thinking, What a fool – why did you come – you should have stayed at home.



II.

The first thing I did in my search for an answer to “why go out” was write down a list of every single reason I could think of to go out – there were about twelve – and then I noticed, after staring at the paper, that those smaller reasons could be divided up into four major reasons for leaving the house:

1. Desire (for sex, love, companionship, whatever).

2. Sociological curiosity / aesthetic appreciation.

3. To test ourselves.

4. Someone else wants to hang out.



III.

A couple of years ago I quit smoking, and to help myself along, I read a book called Alan Carr’s Easyway To Quit Smoking. (‘Easyway’ is written as one word and has a little R beside it, meaning it’s a registered trademark. Despite those two details, it is a really excellent book, and I highly recommend it.)

Now, Alan Carr’s basic premise is twofold:

First: you have to accept that smoking is not a habit, it is a drugaddiction; and

Second: the only way to quit smoking is to never have a cigarette again.

He goes on to explain that every smoker has brainwashed themselves into believing that smoking helps them in some way – calms them down, allows them to focus, makes an event feel more celebratory – when the truth is, all smoking a cigarette does is temporarily satisfy the craving for a cigarette, while reintroducing into your body the very substance you will once again crave.

What the smoker needs to do to quit, is undo the brainwashing that cigarettes help them in any way, then suffer several weeks of physical withdrawal – a feeling he likens to a physical longing, but not unbearable – and then never have another cigarette again. Oh, and a positive frame of mind is essential. When you experience a craving, you’re to take this as a sign your body is transforming into the body of a non-smoker, and you should cheer, “Yippee! I’m free!”

Well, I followed his advice, and it worked.

The other day, I was sitting alone in a Mexican restaurant and wondering whether it is possible to quit people, and good old Alan Carr came to mind. It’s maybe because I recently ended a relationship, and also have not been spending much time in my city, and my body has been experiencing very similar sensations as it did when I gave up cigarettes two years ago; it’s a physical ache that comes and goes, that’s almost painful, a sort of gaping emptiness, a void that needs to be filled. It often seems like the only way to cure myself of this craving is to give in – to return to him, to sleep with someone new… Not until you tear yourself from everyone you love does it appear that you are actually physically addicted to people. The longing for a person is almost identical to the longing for a smoke. It’s weird.

Anyway, I am not a stoic. My response to withdrawal – which has been to flee into semi-soothing rebound relationships – has prevented me from being able to stand before you today and declare with confidence that it is possible to renounce people, to bear the weeks of physical withdrawl symptoms, and thereafter attain the qualities that Alan Carr claims the non-smoker is in possession of: “health, energy, wealth, peace of mind, confidence, courage, self-respect, happiness and freedom.”

But though it wasn’t recent, I have spent time alone in the past, and in my memories of these times – the happiest times of my life – I really did seem possessed of substantially more courage, confidence, self-respect, freedom, energy, and peace of mind, than those times when I’ve surrounded myself with people.

And if that’s the truth, and my memory’s not lying – why go out?

Alan Carr advises smokers who are considering quitting to put the following three questions to themselves, and I think we can also ponder them as we consider whether it is worthwhile to try and be cured of our addiction to people. As the smoker considers smoking, we ask of socializing:

1. What is it doing for me?

2. Do I actually enjoy it?

3. Do I really need to go through life paying through the nose just to stick these things in my mouth and suffocate myself?


1. What is it actually doing for me?

As I suggested earlier, we get together with people to satisfy desires – the desire to love and be loved, the desire for sex, talk, companionship, good times, all those things. To which Alan Carr might retort: “We talk about smoking being relaxing or giving satisfaction. But how can you be satisfied unless you were dissatisfied in the first place?

And truly, who has ever been satisfied by people?

A few weeks ago, for instance, I was deeply insulted by a conceptual poet who lives in your town, who had come to my town to do a reading. I admire his work, so I went – knowing as I left my apartment that I was risking my admiration for him – “What if he is an asshole?” I asked myself, closing the door. “Never mind,” I replied, turning the key, for my curiosity surpassed my fear.

Arriving at the bar that night, I spotted a small man of nearly forty years old, wearing an ostentatious suit and hat, walking about the room like he had a cock the size of Kansas. “He must be the conceptual poet,” I said to myself, and I was right. I begged not to be introduced, but my friend introduced us anyway, calling me, as she did so, a “novelist.” I told him how much I admired a particular book of his, and when I was done, he sort of looked me over and said, “You’re a novelist? Really? What interest could you possibly have in my work?”

… … … In case you missed it, that was the terrible insult.

Of course, telling someone your insult is like telling someone your dream; the specific emotional core of it cannot be communicated; all that comes across are disconnected and meaningless symbols. But let me assure you, this conceptual poet was digging his nails into my heart – he knew it, and, five minutes later, I suddenly felt it, too – which led to a week and a half of fuming in bed, unable to sleep, me declaring this man my enemy, the reconceiving of a magazine article I was writing in such a way as to include a subtextual layer that would annihilate conceptual poetics, a week and a half of going out every night and talking through the insult with each of my friends – what am I even saying? It took leaving the continent for the insult to finally recede into the background of my days, and for me to regain my equilibrium.

But anyway, it is pretty be far-fetched to claim that people provide satisfaction and relaxation. Or at least, if they sometimes do, they as often do not.

Alan Carr’s second question: “Do I actually enjoy it?”

Does anyone actually enjoy more than one party in six? Does sex lead to satisfaction, or merely make us want more sex, better sex, different sex, even as we’re having it? The same goes for conversation, companionship, everything.

No, other people don’t satisfy us, but rather, like cigarettes, give us the temporary illusion of satisfaction, while prolonging our dependence. And if we weren’t dependent on other people?

Alan Carr’s Easyway lists the following psychological gains from quitting:

1. The return of your confidence and courage;

2. Freedom from the slavery;

3. Not having to go through life suffering the awful black shadows at the back of your mind, knowing you are being despised by half of the population, and worst of all, despising yourself.

And so, let us for the moment renounce people! Not in the doomed-to-failure way – renouncing while imagining we are depriving ourselves, forever plagued by doubts –

“how long will the craving last?”

“will I ever be happy again?

“will I ever enjoy a meal again?”

“how will I cope with stress in the future?”

“will I ever want to get up in the morning?

– but rather joyfully and willingly let us renounce people… and bring on self-confidence, courage, energy, peace of mind, and self-respect.



IV.

I have a friend who has made it his sort of art project to set up nights at which people amuse themselves in various ways. He has taught charades classes, he has invited the city into a bar to play board games, he has organized a roomful of people to play Torx, which is a child’s toy, a robot stick that issues instructions on how to bend it. He has been profiled in a local newspaper as someone who is providing fun alternatives to concerts and bars and house parties, which, of course, are old-fashioned and worn-out. But I know him well enough to know that he doesn’t much care whether Nadia or Jim are getting enough fun in their lives. What my friend is up to, I believe, is something more sinister.

First, a few details to paint the scene:

1. His calls his games night ‘Room 101.” The event is held in a bar and people eat cheesies from bowls and play Scrabble and Pictionary and other games at small tables, and every twenty minutes or so he get up at the front of the room on a little stage and rings a bell and forces only those people who seem to be enjoying their game overly much to terminate the game and disperse and play something else. If he had peoples’ fun in mind, I contend that he would not force those who are having the most fun to abandon their game.

2. His promotional poster for these nights show a boy playing Monopoly with two rats. Also, if you look closely, you can see there are little bars on the window. He took the name ‘Room 101’ from the book 1984; it refers to the room in which they torture people, and it turns out his secret motto for these games nights is: “We torture you with fun!” Which might be the motto of every partyever.

Finally: His charades class was not called “How to play charades” or “How to have fun playing charades,” but rather: “How to begood at playing charades.” And his introductory talk to the event only cursorily involved which hand signals to use when; mostly he talked about what he called “charades skills” – like, how being good at charades is about being a good communicator, and a good listener, and requires imagination, and sympathy, and understanding – all of which are, more truly than charades skills, life skills.

And so his students or audience or whatever you’d call them – if they’re no good at playing charades – can only assume one thing. Since the terms for “goodness” were laid out very clearly at the beginning of class, if you’re not good at playing charades, you are forced to conclude that it’s not because you don’t know the hand gestures, it’s not because you’re not a good actor, but rather it’s because you can’t listen, or you’re not sympathetic, or you don’t have sufficient (as he put it at the beginning of class) “intellectual-analytical skills, motor-expressive skills, creative skills, and emotional-inter-personal skills.”

The secret lesson of his charades class is: if you’re not good at being a charades player, maybe it’s actually because you’re not an entirely good at being a person. This is called being tortured with fun.

Yes. I’ve come to the conclusion that what my friend is trying to do is organize events that capture and crystallize and reproduce the effects of ordinary socializing – which is not quite about fun, or about learning how to be good at having fun, but, more distinctly, about learning how to be good at being a person, and, the unfortunate corollary of this, seeing how far from good at being a person you are.

Why go out? Because if what we want more than anything is to attain self-confidence, health, energy, and peace of mind, we should stay in. We could be like little Buddhas, meditating and masturbating and watching TV. And we could imagine ourselves to be brilliant, and kind, and good lecturers, and good listeners, and utterly loving – and there’d be no way to prove it otherwise.

One final story: For the first six months of 2005 I lived alone in Montreal; I went because I was overwhelmed and I picked Montreal because I had no friends there, and for the first few weeks all I experienced were pangs of withdrawal for everyone I loved. It was awful and all-consuming… and then it passed. And once it passed, I was in heaven. There I sat in my lovely, cheap apartment – no distractions, no email, surrounded by books. There was a grocery store across the street. The mountain was two blocks away, and I could climb it whenever I wanted. Self-confidence, health, happiness, the equanimity of the non-smoker – all were mine.

And then… I destroyed it. I met someone and then another person and before I knew it, all of the chaos of life came back, along with all my self-doubt and anxiety and fear.

But perhaps that’s what it’s for – self-confidence and courage and energy and peace – perhaps it’s to be used in the world. Perhaps there’s only one thing to do with it: spend it.

I’m always super-conscious of how whenever I go out into the world, whenever I get involved in a relationship, my idea of who I think I am utterly collides with the reality of who I actually am. And I continue to go out even though who I am always comes up short. I always prove myself to be less generous, less charming, less considerate, not as bold or energetic or intelligent or courageous as I imagined in my solitude. And I’m always being insulted, or snubbed, or disappointed. And I’m never in my pyjamas.

And yet, in some way, maybe this is better. Each of us in this room could suffer the pangs of withdrawal and gain the serenity of the non-smoker. We could be demi-gods in our little castles, all alone, but perhaps, at heart, none of us here wants that. Maybe the only cure for self-confidence and courage is humility. Maybe we go outin order tofall short… because we want to learn how to be good at being people… and moreover, because we want to be people.

And so, to return to Alan Carr’s final question to the would-be quitter: “Do I really need to go through life paying through the nose, just to stick these things in my mouth and suffocate myself?”

Yes, Mr. Carr, yes.


If there is now a scientific consensus that global warming must be taken seriously, there is also a related political consensus: that the issue is Gloom City. In An Inconvenient Truth, Al Gore warns of sea levels rising to engulf New York and San Francisco and implies that only wrenching lifestyle sacrifice can save us. The opposing view is just as glum. Even mild restrictions on greenhouse gases could “cripple our economy,” Republican Senator Kit Bond of Missouri said in 2003. Other conservatives suggest that greenhouse-gas rules for Americans would be pointless anyway, owing to increased fossil-fuel use in China and India. When commentators hash this issue out, it’s often a contest to see which side can sound more pessimistic.

Here’s a different way of thinking about the greenhouse effect: that action to prevent runaway global warming may prove cheap, practical, effective, and totally consistent with economic growth. Which makes a body wonder: Why is such environmental optimism absent from American political debate?

Greenhouse gases are an air-pollution problem—and all previous air-pollution problems have been reduced faster and more cheaply than predicted, without economic harm. Some of these problems once seemed scary and intractable, just as greenhouse gases seem today. About forty years ago urban smog was increasing so fast that President Lyndon Johnson warned, “Either we stop poisoning our air or we become a nation [in] gas masks groping our way through dying cities.” During Ronald Reagan’s presidency, emissions of chlorofluoro­carbons, or CFCs, threatened to deplete the stratospheric ozone layer. As recently as George H. W. Bush’s administration, acid rain was said to threaten a “new silent spring” of dead Appalachian forests.

But in each case, strong regulations were enacted, and what happened? Since 1970, smog-forming air pollution has declined by a third to a half. Emissions of CFCs have been nearly eliminated, and studies suggest that ozone-layer replenishment is beginning. Acid rain, meanwhile, has declined by a third since 1990, while Appalachian forest health has improved sharply.

Most progress against air pollution has been cheaper than expected. Smog controls on automobiles, for example, were predicted to cost thousands of dollars for each vehicle. Today’s new cars emit less than 2 percent as much smog-forming pollution as the cars of 1970, and the cars are still as affordable today as they were then. Acid-rain control has cost about 10 percent of what was predicted in 1990, when Congress enacted new rules. At that time, opponents said the regulations would cause a “clean-air recession”; instead, the economy boomed.

Greenhouse gases, being global, are the biggest air-pollution problem ever faced. And because widespread fossil-fuel use is inevitable for some time to come, the best-case scenario for the next few decades may be a slowing of the rate of greenhouse-gas buildup, to prevent runaway climate change. Still, the basic pattern observed in all other forms of air-pollution control—rapid progress at low cost—should repeat for greenhouse-gas controls.

Yet a paralyzing negativism dominates global-warming politics. Environmentalists depict climate change as nearly unstoppable; skeptics speak of the problem as either imaginary (the “greatest hoax ever perpetrated,” in the words of Senator James Inhofe, chairman of the Senate’s environment committee) or ruinously expensive to address.

Even conscientious politicians may struggle for views that aren’t dismal. Mandy Grunwald, a Democratic political consultant, says, “When political candidates talk about new energy sources, they use a positive, can-do vocabulary. Voters have personal experience with energy use, so they can relate to discussion of solutions. If you say a car can use a new kind of fuel, this makes intuitive sense to people. But global warming is of such scale and magnitude, people don’t have any commonsense way to grasp what the solutions would be. So political candidates tend to talk about the greenhouse effect in a depressing way.”

One reason the global-warming problem seems so daunting is that the success of previous antipollution efforts remains something of a secret. Polls show that Americans think the air is getting dirtier, not cleaner, perhaps because media coverage of the environment rarely if ever mentions improvements. For instance, did you know that smog and acid rain have continued to diminish throughout George W. Bush’s presidency?

One might expect Democrats to trumpet the decline of air pollution, which stands as one of government’s leading postwar achievements. But just as Republicans have found they can bash Democrats by falsely accusing them of being soft on defense, Democrats have found they can bash Republicans by falsely accusing them of destroying the environment. If that’s your argument, you might skip over the evidence that many environmental trends are positive. One might also expect Republicans to trumpet the reduction of air pollution, since it signifies responsible behavior by industry. But to acknowledge that air pollution has declined would require Republicans to say the words, “The regulations worked.”

Does it matter that so many in politics seem so pessimistic about the prospect of addressing global warming? Absolutely. Making the problem appear unsolvable encourages a sort of listless fatalism, blunting the drive to take first steps toward a solution. Historically, first steps against air pollution have often led to pleasant surprises. When Congress, in 1970, mandated major reductions in smog caused by automobiles, even many supporters of the rule feared it would be hugely expensive. But the catalytic converter was not practical then; soon it was perfected, and suddenly, major reductions in smog became affordable. Even a small step by the United States against greenhouse gases could lead to a similar breakthrough.

And to those who worry that any greenhouse-gas reductions in the United States will be swamped by new emissions from China and India, here’s a final reason to be optimistic: technology can move across borders with considerable speed. Today it’s not clear that American inventors or entrepreneurs can make money by reducing greenhouse gases, so relatively few are trying. But suppose the United States regulated greenhouse gases, using its own domestic program, not the cumbersome Kyoto Protocol; then America’s formidable entrepreneurial and engineering communities would fully engage the problem. Innovations pioneered here could spread throughout the world, and suddenly rapid global warming would not seem inevitable.

The two big technical advances against smog—the catalytic converter and the chemical engineering that removes pollutants from gasoline at the refinery stage—were invented in the United States. The big economic advance against acid rain—a credit-trading system that gives power-plant managers a profit incentive to reduce pollution—was pioneered here as well. These advances are now spreading globally. Smog and acid rain are still increasing in some parts of the world, but the trend lines suggest that both will decline fairly soon, even in developing nations. For instance, two decades ago urban smog was rising at a dangerous rate in Mexico; today it is diminishing there, though the country’s population continues to grow. A short time ago declining smog and acid rain in developing nations seemed an impossibility; today declining greenhouse gases seem an impossibility. The history of air-pollution control says otherwise.

Americans love challenges, and preventing artificial climate change is just the sort of technological and economic challenge at which this nation excels. It only remains for the right politician to recast the challenge in practical, optimistic tones. Gore seldom has, and Bush seems to have no interest in trying. But cheap and fast improvement is not a pipe dream; it is the pattern of previous efforts against air pollution. The only reason runaway global warming seems unstoppable is that we have not yet tried to stop it.


Both science fiction and futurism seem to miss an important piece of how the future actually turns into the present. They fail to capture the way we don’t seem to notice when the future actually arrives.

Sure, we can all see the small clues all around us: cellphones, laptops, Facebook, Prius cars on the street. Yet, somehow, the future always seems like something that is going to happen rather than something that is happening; future perfect rather than present-continuous. Even the nearest of near-term science fiction seems to evolve at some fixed receding-horizon distance from the present.

There is an unexplained cognitive dissonance between changing-reality-as-experienced and change as imagined, and I don’t mean specifics of failed and successful predictions.

My new explanation is this: we live in a continuous state of manufactured normalcy. There are mechanisms that operate — a mix of natural, emergent and designed — that work to prevent us from realizing that the future is actually happening as we speak.  To really understand the world and how it is evolving, you need to break through this manufactured normalcy field. Unfortunately, that leads, as we will see, to a kind of existential nausea.

The Manufactured Normalcy Field

Life as we live it has this familiar sense of being a static, continuous present. Our ongoing time travel (at a velocity of one second per second) never seems to take us to a foreign place. It is always 4 PM; it is always tea-time.

Of course, a quick look back to your own life ten or twenty years back will turn up all sorts of evidence that your life has, in fact, been radically transformed, both at a micro-level and the macro-level. At the micro-level, I now possess a cellphone that works better than Captain Kirk’s communicator, but I don’t feel like I am living in the future I imagined back then, even a tiny bit. For a macro example, back in the eighties, people used to paint scary pictures of the world with a few billion more people and water wars. I think I wrote essays in school about such things.  Yet we’re here now, and I don’t feel all that different, even though the scary predicted things are happening on schedule.  To other people (this is important).

Try and reflect on your life. I guarantee that you won’t be able to feel any big change in your gut, even if you are able to appreciate it intellectually.

The psychology here is actually not that interesting.  A slight generalization of normalcy bias and denial of black-swan futures is sufficient.  What is interesting is how this psychological pre-disposition to believe in an unchanging, normal present doesn’t kill us.

How, as a species, are we able to prepare for, create, and deal with, the future, while managing to effectively deny that it is happening at all?

Futurists, artists and edge-culturists like to take credit for this. They like to pretend that they are the lonely, brave guardians of the species who deal with the “real” future and pre-digest it for the rest of us.

But this explanation falls apart with just a little poking. It turns out that the cultural edge is just as frozen in time as the mainstream. It is just frozen in a different part of the time theater, populated by people who seek more stimulation than the mainstream, and draw on imagined futures to feed their cravings rather than inform actual future-manufacturing.

The two beaten-to-death ways of understanding this phenomenon are due to McLuhan (“We look at the present through a rear-view mirror. We march backwards into the future.”) and William Gibson (“The future is already here; it is just unevenly distributed.”)

Both framing perspectives have serious limitations that I will get to. What is missing in both needs a name, so I’ll call the “familiar sense of a static, continuous present” a Manufactured Normalcy Field. For the rest of this post, I’ll refer to this as the Field for short.

So we can divide the future into two useful pieces: things coming at us that have been integrated into the Field, and things that have not. The integration kicks in at some level of ubiquity. Gibson got that part right.

Let’s call the crossing of the Field threshold by a piece of futuristic technology normalization (not to be confused with the postmodernist sense of the term, but related to the mathematical sense). Normalization involves incorporation of a piece of technological novelty into larger conceptual metaphors built out of familiar experiences.

A simple example is commercial air travel.

The Example of Air Travel

A great deal of effort goes into making sure passengers never realize just how unnatural their state of motion is, on a commercial airplane. Climb rates, bank angles and acceleration profiles are maintained within strict limits. Back in the day, I used to do homework problems to calculate these limits.

Airline passengers don’t fly. The travel in a manufactured normalcy field. Space travel is not yet common enough, so there is no manufactured normalcy field for it.

When you are sitting on a typical modern jetliner, you are traveling at 500 mph in an aluminum tube that is actually capable of some pretty scary acrobatics. Including generating brief periods of zero-g.

Yet a typical air traveler never experiences anything that one of our ancestors could not experience on a fast chariot or a boat.

Air travel is manufactured normalcy. If you ever truly experience what modern air travel can do, chances are, the experience will be framed as either a bit of entertainment (“fighter pilot for a day!” which you will understand as “expensive roller-coaster”) or a visit to an alien-specialist land (American aerospace engineering students who participate in NASA summer camps often get to ride on the “vomit comet,” modified Boeing 727s that fly the zero-g training missions).

This means that even though air travel is now a hundred years old, it hasn’t actually “arrived” psychologically. A full appreciation of what air travel is has been kept from the general population through manufactured normalcy.

All we’re left with is out-of-context data that we are not equipped to really understand in any deep way (“Oh, it used to take months to sail from India to the US in the seventeenth century, and now it takes a 17 hour flight, how interesting.”)

Think about the small fraction of humanity who have actually experienced air travel qua air travel, as a mode of transport distinct from older ones. These include fighter pilots, astronauts and the few air travelers who have been part of a serious emergency that forced (for instance) an airliner to lose 10,000 feet of altitude in a few seconds.

Of course, manufactured normalcy is never quite perfect (passengers on the Concorde could see the earth’s curvature for instance), but the point is, it is good enough that behaviorally, we do not experience the censored future. We don’t have to learn the future in any significant way (what exactly have you “learned” about air travel that is not a fairly trivial port of train-travel behavior?)

So the way the “future” of air travel in 1900 actually arrived was the following:

    A specialized future arrived for a subset who were trained and equipped with new mental models to comprehend it in the fullest sense, but in a narrowly instrumental rather than appreciative way. A fighter pilot does not necessarily experience flight the way a bird does.
    The vast majority started experiencing a manufactured normalcy, via McLuhan-esque extension of existing media
    Occasionally, the manufactured normalcy broke down for a few people by accident, who were then exposed to the “future” without being equipped to handle it

Air travel is also a convenient metaphor for the idea of existential nausea I’ll get to. If you experience air travel in its true form and are not prepared for it by nature and nurture, you will throw up.

The Future Arrives via Specialization and Metaphor Expansion

So this is a very different way to understand the future: it doesn’t arrive in a temporal sense. It arrives mainly via social fragmentation. Specialization is how the future arrives.

And in many cases, arrival-via-specialization means psychological non-arrival. Not every element of the future brings with it a visceral human experience that at least a subset can encounter. There are no “pilots” in the arrival of cheap gene sequencing, for instance. At least not yet. When you can pay to grow a tail, that might change.

There is a subset of humanity that routinely does DNA sequencing and similar things everyday, but if the genomic future has arrived for them, it has arrived as a clean, purely cerebral-instrumental experience, transformed into a new kind of symbol-manipulation and equipment-operation expertise.

Arrival-via-specialization requires potential specialists. Presumably, humans with extra high tolerance for g-forces have always existed, and technology began selecting for that trait once airplanes were invented. This suggests that only those futures arrive for which there is human capacity to cope. This conclusion is not true, because a future can arrive before humans figure out whether they have the ability to cope. For instance, the widespread problem of obesity suggests that food-abundance arrived before we figured out that most of us cannot cope. And this is one piece of the future that cannot be relegated to specialists. Others cannot eat for you, even though others can fly planes for you.

So what about elements of the future that arrive relatively successfully for everybody, like cellphones? Here, the idea I called the Milo Criterion kicks in: successful products are precisely those that do not attempt to move user experiences significantly, even if the underlying technology has shifted radically.  In fact the whole point of user experience design is to manufacture the necessary normalcy for a product to succeed and get integrated into the Field. In this sense user experience design is reductive with respect to technological potential.

So for this bucket of experiencing the future, what we get is a Darwinian weeding out of those manifestations of the future that break the continuity of technological experience. So things like Google Wave fail.  Just because something is technically feasible does not mean it can psychologically normalized into the Field.

The Web arrived via the document metaphor. Despite the rise of the stream metaphor for conceptualizing the Web architecturally, the user-experience metaphor is still descended from the document.

The smartphone, which I understand conceptually these days via a pacifier metaphor, is nothing like a phone. Voice is just one clunky feature grandfathered into a handheld computer that is engineered to loosely resemble its nominal ancestor.

The phone in turn was a gradual morphing of things like speaking tubes. This line of descent has an element of conscious design, so technological genealogy is not as deterministic as biological genealogy.

The smartphone could have developed via metaphoric descent from the hand-held calculator; “Oh, I can now talk to people on my calculator” would have been a fairly natural way to understand it. That it was the phone rather than the calculator is probably partly due to path-dependency effects and partly due to the greater ubiquity of phones in mainstream life.

What Century Do We Actually Live In?

I haven’t done a careful analysis, but my rough, back-of-the-napkin working out of the implications of these ideas suggests that we are all living, in user-experience terms, in some thoroughly mangled, overloaded, stretched and precarious version of the 15th century that is just good enough to withstand casual scrutiny. I’ll qualify this a bit in a minute, but stay with me here.

What about edge-culturists who think they are more alive to the real oncoming future?

I am convinced that they frozen in time too. The edge today looks strangely similar to the edge in any previous century. It is  defined by reactionary musical and sartorial tastes and being a little more outrageous than everybody else in challenging the prevailing culture of manners. Edge-dwelling is a social rather than technological phenomenon. If it reveals anything about technology or the future, it is mostly by accident.

Art occasionally rises to the challenge of cracking open a window onto the actual present, but mostly restricts itself to creating dissonance in the mainstream’s view of the imagined present, a relative rather than absolute dialectic.

Edge culturists end up living lives that are continuously repeated rehearsal loops for a future that never actually arrives.  They do experience a version of the future a little earlier than others, but the mechanisms they need to resort to are so cumbersome, that what they actually experience is the mechanisms rather than the future as it will eventually be lived.

For instance, the Behemoth, a futuristic bicycle built by Steven Roberts in 1991, had many features that have today eventually arrived for all via the iPhone. So in a sense, Roberts didn’t really experience the future ahead of us, because what shapes our experience of universal mobile communication definitely has nothing to do with a bicycle and a lot to do with pacifiers (I don’t think Roberts had a pacifier in the Behemoth).

At a more human level, I find that I am unable to relate to people who are deeply into any sort of cyberculture or other future-obsessed edge zone. There is a certain extreme banality to my thoughts when I think about the future. Futurists as a subculture seem to organize their lives as future-experience theaters. These theaters are perhaps entertaining and interesting in their own right, as a sort of performance art, but are not of much interest or value to people who are interested in the future in the form it might arrive in, for all.

It is easy to make the distinction explicit. Most futurists are interested in the future beyond the Field. I am primarily interested in the future once it enters the Field, and the process by which it gets integrated into it. This is also where the future turns into money, so perhaps my motivations are less intellectual than they are narrowly mercenary.  This is also a more complicated way of making a point made by several marketers: technology only becomes interesting once it becomes technically boring. Technological futurists are pre-Fieldists. Marketing futurists are post-Fieldists.

This also explains why so few futurists make any money. They are attracted to exactly those parts of the future that are worth very little. They find visions of changed human behavior stimulating. Technological change serves as a basis for constructing aspirational visions of changed humanity. Unfortunately, technological change actually arrives in ways that leave human behavior minimally altered.

Engineering is about finding excitement by figuring out how human behavior could change. Marketing is about finding money by making sure it doesn’t. The future arrives along a least-cognitive-effort path.

This suggests a different, subtler reading of Gibson’s unevenly-distributed line.

It isn’t that what is patchily distributed today will become widespread tomorrow. The mainstream never ends up looking like the edge of today. Not even close. The mainstream seeks placidity while the edge seeks stimulation.

Instead, what is unevenly distributed are isolated windows into the un-normalized future that exist as weak spots in the Field. When the windows start to become larger and more common, economics kicks in and the Field maintenance industry quickly moves to create specialists, codified knowledge and normalcy-preserving design patterns.

Time is  a meaningless organizing variable here. Is gene-hacking more or less futuristic than pod-cities or bionic chips?

The future is simply a landscape defined by two natural (and non-temporal) boundaries. One separates the currently infeasible from the feasible (hyperspatial travel is unfortunately infeasible), and the other separates the normalized from the un-normalized. The Field is manufactured out of the feasible-and-normalized. We call it the present, but it is not the same as the temporal concept. In fact, the labeling of the Field as the ‘present’ is itself part of the manufactured normalcy. The labeling serves to hide a complex construction process underneath an apparently familiar label that most of us think we experience but don’t really (as generations of meditation teachers exhorting us to ‘live in the present’ try to get across; they mostly fail because their sense of time has been largely hijacked by a cultural process).

What gets normalized first has very little to do with what is easier, and a lot to do with what is more attractive economically and politically. Humans have achieved some fantastic things like space travel. They have even done things initially thought to be infeasible (like heavier-than-air flight) but other parts of a very accessible future lie beyond the Manufactured Normalcy Field, seemingly beyond the reach of economic feasibility forever.  As the grumpy old man in an old Reader’s Digest joke grumbled, “We can put a man on the moon, but we cannot get the jelly into the exact center of a jelly doughnut.”

The future is a stream of bug reports in the normalcy-maintenance software that keeps getting patched, maintaining a hackstable present Field.

Field Elasticity and Attenuation

A basic objection to my account of what you could call the “futurism dialectic” is that 2012 looks nothing like the fifteenth century, as we understand it today, through our best reconstructions.

My answer to that objection is simple: as everyday experiences get mangled by layer after layer of metaphoric back-referencing, these metaphors get reified into a sort of atemporal, non-physical realm of abstract experience-primitives.

These are sort of like Platonic primitives, except that they are reified patterns of behavior, understood with reference to a manufactured perception of reality. The Field does evolve in time, but this evolution is not a delayed version of “real” change or even related to it. In fact movement is a bad way to understand how the Field transforms. Its dynamic nature is best understood as a kind of stretching. The Field stretches to accommodate the future, rather than moving to cover it.

It stretches in its own design space: that of ever-expanding, reifying, conceptual metaphor. Expansion as a basic framing suggests an entirely different set of risks and concerns. We needn’t worry about acceleration. We need to worry about attenuation. We need not worry about not being able to “keep up” with a present that moves faster. We need to worry about the Field expanding to a breaking point and popping, like an over-inflated balloon. We need not worry about computers getting ever faster. We need to worry about the document metaphor breaking suddenly, leaving us unable to comprehend the Internet.

Dating the “planetary UX” to the fifteenth century is something like chronological anchoring of the genealogy of extant metaphors to the nearest historical point where some recognizable physical basis exists.  The 15th century is sort of the Garden of Eden of the modern experience of technology. It represents the point where our current balloon started to get inflated.

When we  think of differences between historical periods, we tend to focus on the most superficial of human differences that have very little coupling to technological progress.

Quick, imagine the fifteenth century. You’re thinking of people in funny pants and hats, right (if you’re of European descent. Mutatis mutandis if you are not)? Perhaps you are thinking of dimensions of social experience like racial diversity and gender roles.

Think about how trivial and inconsequential changes on those fronts are, compared to the changes on the technological front. We’ve landed on the moon, we screw around with our genes, we routinely fly at 30,000 feet at 500 mph. You can repeat those words a thousand times and you still won’t be able to appreciate the magnitude of the transformation the way you can appreciate the magnitude of a radical social change (a Black man is president of the United States!).

If I am still not getting through to you, imagine having a conversation over time-phone with someone living in 3000 BC. Assume there’s a Babel fish in the link. Which of these concepts do you think would be easiest to get across?

    In our time, women are considered the equal of men in many parts of the world
    In our time, a Black man is the most powerful man in the world
    In our time, we can sequence our genes
    In our time, we can send pictures of what we see to our friends around the world instantly

Even if the 3000 BC guy gets some vague, magic-based sense of what item 4 means, he or she will have no comprehension of the things in our mental models behind that statement (Facebook, Instagram, the Internet, wireless radio technology). Item 3 will not be translatable at all.

But this does not mean that he does not understand your present. It means you do not understand your own present in any meaningful way. You are merely able to function within it.

Appreciative versus Instrumental Comprehension

If your understanding of the present were a coherent understanding and appreciation of your reality, you would be able to communicate it. I am going to borrow terms from John Friedman and distinguish between two sorts of conceptual metaphors we use to comprehend present reality: appreciative and instrumental.

Instrumental (what Friedman misleadingly called manipulative) conceptual metaphors are basic UX metaphors like “scrolling” web pages, or the metaphor of the “keypad” on a phone. Appreciative conceptual metaphors help us understand present realities in terms of their fundamental dynamics. So my use of the metaphor “smartphones are pacifiers” (it looks like a figurative metaphor, but once you get used to it, you find that it has the natural depth of a classic Lakoff conceptual metaphor) is an appreciative conceptual metaphor.

Instrumental conceptual metaphors allow us to function. Appreciative ones allow us to make sense of our lives and communicate such understanding.

So our failure to communicate the idea of Instagram to somebody in 3000 BC is due to an atemporal and asymmetric incomprehension: we possess good instrumental metaphors but poor appreciative ones.

So this failure has less to do with Arthur C. Clarke’s famous assertion that a sufficiently advanced technology will seem like magic to those from more primitive eras, and more to do with the fact that the Field actively prevents us from ever understanding our own present on its own terms.  We manage to function and comprehend reality in instrumental ways while falling behind in comprehending it in appreciative ways.

So my update to Clarke would be this: any sufficiently advanced technology will seem like magic to all humans at all times. Some will merely live within a Field that allow them to function within specific advanced technology environments.

Take item 4 for instance. After all, it is Instagram, a reference to a telegram. We understand Facebook in terms of school year-books. It is exactly this sort of pattern of purely instrumental comprehension that leads to the plausibility of certain types of Internet hoaxes, like the one that did the rounds recently about Abraham Lincoln having patented a version of the Facebook idea.

The fact that the core idea of Facebook can be translated to the language of Abe’s world of newspapers suggests that we are papering over (I had to, sorry) complicated realities with surfaces we can understand. The alternative conclusion is silly (that the technology underlying Facebook is not really more expressive than the one underlying newspapers).

Facebook is not a Yearbook. It is a few warehouse-sized buildings containing racks and racks of electronic hardware sheets, each containing etched little slivers of silicon at their core. Each of those little slivers contains more intricacy than all the jewelry designers in history together managed to put into all the earrings they ever made. These warehouses are connected via radio and optic-fiber links to….

Oh well, forget it. It’s a frikkin’ Yearbook that contains everybody. That’s enough for us to deal with it, even if we cannot explain what we’re doing or why to Mr. 3000 BC.

The Always-Unreal

Have you ever wondered why Alvin Toffler’s writings seem so strange today? Intellectually you can recognize that he saw a lot of things coming. But somehow, he imagined the future in future-unfamiliar terms. So it appears strange to us. Because we are experiencing a lot of what he saw coming, translated into terms that would actually have been completely familiar to him.

His writings seem unreal partly because they are impoverished imaginings of things that did not exist back then, but also partly because his writing seems to be informed by the idea that the future would define itself. He speaks of future-concepts like (say) modular housing in terms that make sense with respect to those concepts.

When the future actually arrived, in the form of couchsurfing and Airbnb, it arrived translated into a crazed-familiarity. Toffler sort of got the basic idea that mobility would change our sense of home. His failure was not in failing to predict how housing might evolve. His failure was in failing to predict that we would comprehend it in terms of “Bed and Breakfast” metaphors.

This is not an indictment of Toffler’s skill as a futurist, but of the very methods of futurism. We build conceptual models of the world as it exists today, posit laws of transformation and change,  simulate possible futures, and cherry-pick interesting and likely-sounding elements that appear robustly across many simulations and appear feasible.

And then we stop. We do not transform the end-state conceptual models into the behavioral terms we use to actually engage and understand reality-in-use, as opposed to reality-in-contemplation. We forget to do the most important part of a futurist prediction: predicting how user experience might evolve to normalize the future-unfamiliar.

Something similar happens with even the best of science fiction.  There is a strangeness to the imagining that seems missing when the imagined futures finally arrive, pre-processed into the familiar.

But here, something slightly different plays out, because the future is presented in the context of imaginary human characters facing up to timeless Campbellian human challenges. So we have characters living out lives involving very strange behaviors in strange landscapes, wearing strange clothes, and so forth. This is what makes science fiction science fiction after all. George Lucas’ space opera is interesting precisely because it is not set in the Wild West or Mt. Olympus.

We turn imagined behavioral differences that the future might bring into entertainment, but when it actually arrives, we make sure the behavioral differences are minimized. The Field creates a suspension of potential disbelief.

So both futurism and science fiction are trapped in an always-unreal strange land that must always exist at a certain remove from the manufactured-to-be-familiar present. Much of present-moment science fiction and fantasy is in fact forced into parallel universe territory not because there are deep philosophical counterfactuals involved (a lot of Harry Potter magic is very functionally replicable by us Muggles) but because it would lose its capacity to stimulate. Do you really want to read about a newspaper made of flexible e-ink that plays black-and-white movies over WiFi? That sounds like a bad startup pitch rather than a good fantasy novel.

The Matrix was something of an interesting triumph in this sense, and in a way smarter than one of its inspirations, The Neuromancer, because it made Gibson’s cyberspace co-incident with a temporally frozen reality-simulacrum.

But it  did not go far enough. The world of 1997 (or wherever the Matrix decided to hit ‘Pause’) was itself never an experienced reality.

1997 never happened. Neither did 1500 in a way. What we did have was different stretched states of the Manufactured Normalcy Field in 1500 and 1997. If the Matrix were to happen, it would have to actually keep that stretching going.

Breathless

There is one element of the future that does arrive on schedule, uncensored. This is its emotional quality. The pace of change is accelerating and we experience this as Field-stretching anxiety.

But emotions being what they are, we cannot separate future anxiety from other forms of anxiety. Are you upset today because your boss yelled at you or because subtle cues made the accelerating pace of change leak into your life as a tear in the Field?

Increased anxiety is only one dimension of how we experience change. Another dimension is a constant sense of crisis (which has, incidentally, always prevailed in history).

A third dimension is a constant feeling of chaos held at bay (another constant in history), just beyond the firewall of everyday routine (the Field is everyday routine).

Sometimes we experience the future via a basic individual-level “it won’t happen to me” normalcy bias. Things like SARS or dying in a plane crash are uncomprehended future-things (remember, you live in a manufactured reality that has been stretching since the fifteenth century)  that are nominally in our present, but haven’t penetrated the Field for most of us. Most of us substitute probability for time in such cases. As time progresses, the long tail of the unexperienced future grows fatter. A lot more can happen to us in 2012 than in 1500, but we try to ensure that very little does happen.

The uncertainty of the future is about this long tail of waiting events that the Field hasn’t yet digested, but we know exists out there, as a space where Bad Things Happen to People Like Me but Never to Me.

In a way, when we ask, is there a sustainable future, we are not really asking about fossil fuels or feeding 9 billion people. We are asking can the Manufactured Normalcy Field absorb such and such changes?

We aren’t really tied to specific elements of today’s lifestyles. We are definitely open to change. But only change that comes to us via the Field. We’ve adapted to the idea of people cutting open our bodies, stopping our hearts and pumping our blood through machines while they cut us up. The Field has digested those realities. Various sorts of existential anesthetics are an important part of how the Field is manufactured and maintained.

Our sense of impending doom or extraordinary potential have to do with the perceived fragility or robustness of the Field.

It is possible to slide into a sort of technological solipsism here and declare that there is no reality; that only the Field exists. Many postmodernists do exactly that.

Except that history repeatedly proves them wrong. The Field is distinct from reality. It can and does break down a couple of times in every human lifetime. We’re coming off a very long period — since World War II — of Field stability. Except for a few poor schmucks in places like Vietnam, the Field has been precariously preserved for most of us.

When larger global Fields break, we experience “dark” ages. We literally cannot process change at all. We grope, waiting for an age when it will all make sense again.

So we could be entering a Dark Age right now, because most of us don’t experience a global Field anymore. We live in tiny personal fields. We can only connect socially with people whose little-f fields are similar to ours.  When individual fields also start popping, psychic chaos will start to loom.

The scary possibility in the near future is not that we will see another radical break in the Field, but a permanent collapse of all fields, big and small.

The result will be a state of constant psychological warfare between the present and the future, where reality changes far too fast for either a global Field or a personal one to keep up. Where adaptation-by-specialization turns into a crazed, continuous reinvention of oneself for survival. Where the reinvention is sufficient to sustain existence financially, but not sufficient to maintain continuity of present-experience.  Instrumental metaphors will persist while appreciative ones will collapse entirely.

The result will be a world population with a large majority of people on the edge of madness, somehow functioning in a haze where past, present and future form a chaotic soup (have you checked out your Facebook feed lately?) of drunken perspective shifts.

This is already starting to happen. Instead of a newspaper feeding us daily doses of a shared Field, we get a nauseating mix of news from forgotten classmates, slogan-placards about issues trivial and grave, revisionist histories coming at us via a million political voices, the future as a patchwork quilt of incoherent glimpses, all mixed in with pictures of cats doing improbable things.

The waning Field, still coming at us through weakening media like television, seems increasingly like a surreal zone of Wonderland madness.

We aren’t being hit by Future Shock. We are going to be hit by Future Nausea.  You’re not going to be knocked out cold. You’re just going to throw up in some existential sense of the word. I’d like to prepare. I wish some science fiction writers would write a few nauseating stories.

Welcome to the Future Nauseous.


SOURCE: tetw

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